Self-Aware Blogging

So I finally got a table at this fantastic restaurant downtown. I mean, I have been trying for at least six months to get in here. Finally though, I’ve made it to this promised land. This is gonna be the greatest…
Hey! Fancy seeing you here buddy!
…Ummm…who are you?
You don’t remember your own boss?! Somebody is clearly not looking for that big promotion.
A promotion? Wha…you got things confused man.
Good one! You always were the kidder John!
John? How do you know my name?
John please. Look I’m glad you are here. I’ve been meaning to talk to you.
…Look, whatever the hell your name is, I don’t know who you are or anything about why you are here right now.
Boy you are on fire buddy! Anyway, there’s a big problem with the Burton account. I think someone is trying to sabotage us!
…..
…..
…..
Why did you just freeze there?
You never heard of a break?
Wha…a break? Like a tv show commercial break?
Well not that exactly. Just a break.
Wait, what?! Ok, now you are just talking crazy. I’d just like to get back to being able to order a steak and just enjoy myself here.
You aren’t getting a steak. Once he come’s back from his break, I’m going to tell you Jake from Accounting is trying to sabotage the company, then you and I will spend the rest of this entry trying to prove it.
No, I’m going to turn back around and pretend this conversation never happened.
Look, you are just going to make this blog longer than it has to. Just follow me here and it’ll be fine.
There is no blog! No “big guy!” You are just insane and I’m about ready to call the cops!
What do I have to do to prove that you are merely a character on a blog?
Nothing! Because this conversation is bananas! Now get out of here!
Do you remember how you got to this restaurant?
…Are you fuc…wait why couldn’t I finish that?
Family friendly content filter. F’s don’t get you views. Look, I asked a simple question. Do you remember how you got to this restaurant?
Of course I do! Obviously I took my car here!
Oh, yeah? What kind of car do you drive?
Obviously a…wait….ah…why the hell can’t I remember?
Because you didn’t drive here. You were put here.
Put here! Look I don’t know what the hell you have done to me, but this joke needs to end. Now.
Look there’s not enough time for this. There is probably four minutes before he comes back from the bathroom depending on how much candy he is currently crushing. You don’t remember because you don’t have a car, you don’t really eat at this restaurant and you are a character in this blog.
I’m not a character!
Do you remember your first name?
What?
Your first name. You just told me what your first name was. What did you say?
Jesus….yeah clearly my first name is….oh for…wah…what is going on here?! I can’t remember!
That’s because the creator of this blog entry was too lazy to remember it.
…Okay this is just trippy.
I know. Sorry. Happens to all the new characters.
New characters?
Yeah. He’s actually used me before so I’m kinda used to this.
Wait, so you’re…recycled?
That’s a little harsh.
Sorry.
It’s ok. He actually made you say that.
…Huh?
Yeah, obviously this whole break thing was written by him too. Everything so far has been written by him. If you listen closely enough, you can here the sound of his fingers hitting the keyboard as he types this part out.
Okay, no, no way! There is no way some person is fhvjwnbivjwjfj
…..Sigh.
HOW THE FOCJVHWCJVJ DID I WJVJWJV BREAK KITTENS FOLLOW BUCKETS BALOGNA SANDWICHES!!!
Are you done now?
…Okay you may have a point here.
Told you so.
….Really? That’s the line you come back with?
Hey, again, I told you this blog guy is lazy sometimes.
You did say that. Or rather he said that? Wait, but why would he say he’s lazy?
Self-deprecating humor.
Seriously?
He thinks he is funny.
Wait, but didn’t you just diss him right there?
Did you see air quotes around funny?
…no.
And there you go.
Great…so how much longer are we going here?
About six seconds.
Wait, I thought we were going to go figure out whether Jake from Accounting was sabotaging things?
Nah, he wasn’t following through with that.

 

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