The Dating Game

Pat:  Hello and welcome to what should be an interesting event here at Barner’s Restaurant here in downtown Chicago.  I am your stereotypical three lettered sports announcer Pat here with my also stereotypical three lettered  color commentator Bob.

Bob:  Hello to you Pat.  I have been very interested in this match-up and I agree this should be an exciting contest.  Our two participants at least on paper seem like a very even matchup.

Pat:  Well we shall see as our first of two enter the building.  Darin Jackson seems to have dressed right for the occasion in a suit jacket, button-up and dark jeans.  A good choice to have decided against wearing the tie don’t you think Bob?

Bob:  Absolutely.  I can’t tell you how many times I have seen disastrous tie into soup or pasta fouls Pat.

Pat:  Looks like he’s the early one for the contest as we still have not seen our other participant Terri Yueller yet.

Bob:  Doesn’t seem to faze Darin though Pat.  You can see Darin has looked at his watch but doesn’t appear to me to be worried that she hasn’t made it yet.  Though I do see him practicing his opening greeting for the 700th time.

Pat:  Well I imagine at this stage Bob, Darin is happy to have the chance to once again be able to participate tonight.  I imagine he is hopeful that the practice will pay off.  Oh, and looks like our fellow participant has finally entered Bob.

Bob:  Right you are Pat.  Seems like she opted for the nice top over a pair of skinny jeans and heels combination Pat.

Pat:  Yes, but definitely smaller scale heels.  This sort of practicality has always been a strong characteristic of Terri’s.

Bob:  Right you are Pat.  Always important to be constantly aware of your surroundings and know your territory.  A first meetup like this is always a great time to test out your competition to determine future strategies.

Pat:  And now it looks like the action will begin as…correct me if I’m wrong but is that the patented pulling out the chair for the lady technique Bob?

Bob:  Yes I do believe you are correct.  Excellent move by Darin there.  That sort of chivalrous move is fast becoming an antique in this day and age in these contests Pat.

Pat:  Well great start by the challenger and definitely looks like Terri appreciated that.

Bob:  For sure Pat.  And now the waiter is reading off the specials.

Pat:  You can see by the look on Darin’s face there that there could be an early situation here still very early in the contest.

Bob:  Yes that definitely is the look of someone who didn’t realize just how pricey of a place he has taken Terri to here.  Those specials seemed to have thrown him for a loop.  You can tell by the way he has surreptitiously pulled out his wallet and thumbed through to see what he has brought with him that he is a little worried about running out.

Pat:  And there’s the sweat from Darin.  Seems like he only brought 60 bucks to the contest tonight.  Do you think that will be enough without having to ask her for some Bob?

Bob:  Well Pat that would be a very rookie mistake by Darin to ask Terri for money like that.  As the first to ask for this meetup today, Darin should be aware that you almost never go dutch on a first meeting.  But the waiter has left them to decide so lets see how this situation plays out.

Pat:  Terri looks like she seems to be fully in her comfort zone.  I am sort of surprised by this though as this is very familiar but not especially welcoming territory I can imagine to her Bob.

Bob:  Absolutely not.  We of course remember this is the very same building in which she met her toughest opponent in her last meet-up Scott.  Certainly one of the longest contests that she had been apart of in a long time.  What lacked in actual time was certainly made up for in a series of debilitating fouls in which I was very surprised she could hang in there for as long as she did.  That’s a match-up she is certainly not looking forward to having again.

Pat:  And Darin seems to have recovered from the special debacle as the waiter comes back to take the orders.  You can tell his expression after letting her go first in ordering is one of confidence in his ability to pay for it with even some cash to spare for a possible shared item from the dessert cart.

Bob:  That is very much the sign of absolute relief.  He was really sweating that one out for a minute.

Pat:  Wow did you see that joke Darin just sprung there Bob?  Incorporating his love of puns and literal-ness has scored a serious laugh from Terri.  I haven’t seen a move like that from a competitor since Frank Grunden and that knock-knock joke on Taryn Klingley in 2005.

Bob:  Really stupendous effort.  Looks like at about the halfway mark as the food arrives that we may just end up seeing a repeat performance from these two.

Pat:  Oh just a minute Bob.  It seems Darin has dropped an unintentional penalty on the play as he has admitted he still lives at home with his parents in the basement.

Bob:  Wow….I mean to go from such a fantastic veteran play to such amateur admissions on a first meeting demonstrates he still has a way to go to establish consistent performance.

Pat:  And it certainly has affected the situation negatively here as Terri has checked her watch for the first time.  That’s a bad sign with so much more potential  left on the clock.  We shall see if this will come back to haunt him.

Bob:  Well he does have the food to buy time as they begin to tear into it.  Being 8’oclock at night I’m sure both of them are as hungry as can be.

Pat:  Certainly could be a saving grace.  Oh, but this is an interesting development.  It appears Terri has called a time out.  Headed to the bathroom on what appears initially to be a chance to touch up her makeup a bit.  You think this is good or bad Bob?

Bob:  Coming after such a devastating bombshell from Darin I find it hard to see it as good and I’ve been calling these contests for a long time now.  We will see how long this time out is and be able to better determine.  Looks like Darin is taking the opportunity to check out his email on his phone for the 100th time today. He doesn’t appear nervous but I’m thinking on the inside he is starting to be a bit worried.

Pat:  Well maybe things aren’t so dire as Terri comes back onto the field.  Pretty short time out to me Bob so I don’t think she had the time to call a friend to ask her to call so she could be bailed out and leave without hurting any feelings.

Bob:  We now approach a critical third period here where things can go dicey or fantastic very quickly.  Reaching the period at end of the food and before the chance at either dessert or calling it a night has spawned and spurned many a champion or challenger.  And….well seems to be a mixed bag.

Pat:  Probably shouldn’t have incorporated the political discussion but sometimes when you have to think on your feet and the conversation stalls, its hard not to fall upon your own strengths and interests without taking the other person into consideration.  She seemed to go along with okay there so if there was any damage, its probably limited.  So it doesn’t appear a piece of that delicious Barner’s tiramisu will be included in tonight’s proceedings but I’m sure you noticed Bob her appreciation at seeing that 23% tip added to the bill.

Bob:  Yes, nothing screams potentially bad connection as a horrible tipper Pat.  That is the kiss of death for many who do not understand its importance.

Pat:  And now the final round here as both competitors reach the front of the restaurant.  Okay…wait a second…and…oh that’s tragic.

Bob:  She clearly wanted to go in for a hug only and for him to try to take the moment to go in for the kiss too…geez you just don’t want to see somebody absolutely collapse right there at the very end.  There’s the end right there for me.  Didn’t seem like it was going that fantastic and then to stumble that badly…I think that pretty much sealed the deal.

Pat:  Well I’m sure Darin will be studying the game tape for a long time to come on that.  Well, on behalf of Bob and myself, I want to thank you all and we will see you next time.  Goodnight.


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