My Dating App Interview

Okay, welcome and have a seat.  We will get started here right away.

Cool.  Never have done this before so definitely new experience here.  I am pretty nervous but I really hope this works to find my someone special.

Yeah, that’s pretty much what they all say.

What was that?

Nothing. Let’s begin.  First question:  What is your name?

Starting off easy here….Dan.

Great.  Last name?



This is the part where I lie right?


Any age that’s old enough to look experienced but young enough to not be grandpa-stature.

Alright.  Sex?

Well sure but not until it’s right.

…..You realize you aren’t the first, second, or even a millionth person to do that right?

I’m sure.  Couldn’t help myself.  Male.

Thank you.  Although yours was different then a good amount of the answers.  Looking for?

I’m being interviewed for a dating site.  What do you think I’m looking for?

No, I mean are you looking for a relationship with a male, female, doesn’t matter?

Doesn’t matter?  People can ask for relationships with what chimpanzees and horses or something?

Never mind that can you just answer the question?


Okay and where do you live?

United States.  Or I suppose the planet Earth.  Or Milky Way galaxy if you want to get technical.

Well I am already seeing why the relationship thing hasn’t been going your way.  Interests?

Long walks on the beach, staring into each others eyes for hours at a time, and intellectual conversations.

Okay and now your real interests.

Walks that involve me getting from point A to point B as fast as possible, the ability to approach and ask women whom I consider attractive out on a date, and intellectual conversations….that revolve around movies  seen and which  superheroes or film horror figures could beat each other in a fight.

Perfect.  And how do you see yourself in 5 years?


…Care to elaborate?


Sigh.  Not making it easy here.  What do you look for in a relationship?

Another living human being of the opposite sex.  Though I’m not opposed to an alien from another planet living in the body of a human being.  Which is already happening if you ask my next door neighbor.  Considering how my next door neighbor is though I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the scout alien sent to determine whether they could live on this planet.

Well that was a new answer to that one.  What do you do for a living?

This is where I lie again too right?

Correct again.

Exotic bird trainer to the stars.  Underwear model on the weekends.  Oh, and I’m also independently wealthy so I don’t even do these for the money.

Nice.  Your best trait or characteristic?

My amazing six-pack abs.

And now your real best trait?

Sense of humor.

And now your real, real one.

Ability to put more than three coherent words together in a sentence.  Most times.

Okay that’s all the questions I have.  You are good to go.

That’s it?  Wow well that was a lot easier than I thought it would be.  Think I have a chance on finding someone after those answers?





2 thoughts on “My Dating App Interview”

  1. Hahahah this was good.
    I just did a post a couple days ago about what an honest dating profile would look like. I think we should all just be honest 😉 HA

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