Suffering From Internal Creative Differences



……………Whaa?  I’m eating.



………..Trying to eat here….


WHAT?!   I’m freakin’ eating a sandwich over here!

You got to write a blog!


 You haven’t written in 2 days.  Two!  You have any idea how bad that is?

What are you talking about?

The internet runs fast.  A minute online is an hour, an hour a day, a day a week, a month the dawn of the Apocalypse. 

Who cares?  I write when I get an idea, or when something interesting happens.  The greatest thing I did today was make this ham sandwich.

So?  Write about the sandwich!

…..I’m not writing about a sandwich.

Don’t you see those people who post statuses on Twitter or Facebook about the meal they are going to have?  They get comments, Dan, comments!  Likes even!

Why do I care again?

Because Dan!  You are missing out on the chance of fame!  Fortune!

With not writing a blog on a sandwich?  It’s ham, cheese, bread, and mayo.  Not exactly exotic. Or newsworthy.

So?  Take a picture!  Make people jealous of the fact you are having that sandwich.  Make people want the sandwich.

….Why are you here right now?  Who invited you into my sandwich eating process?

I’m you genius!  The part of you who is trying to convince the rest of you that you need to write an entry so that you can start getting that internet fame.  You aren’t going to do it by sitting there.

I don’t write the blog to be famous.   I write it because I like to write.

BOORRRIIIINGGG!  No one does that.  Everyone who is on here wants their fifteen minutes of fame.  Aren’t you going to get yours?

I would prefer to take the next fifteen minutes eating.  Then reading.  Then probably eating again.

You are hopeless sometimes.  We are going to fix that.  Who are you eating with right now?

….the cat.

Great!  Say the cat did something crazy when you were eating.  The internet loves cats!

My cat loves eating.  And then going to sleep for 10 hours.  Then whine at me until its getting fed again.  This is the story of its life.

You know how many clicks you are missing by not recording that?


Views you insoluble dunce! 

Okay I don’t need me…uh….insulting….me.  And why would my cat annoying me with its incessant need to feed be entertaining?

How does he do it?

How does he do what?  Annoy me?

Yes!  How does he call you to feed him?

With a kind of two pitch sorta thing.  Like “EH, EH?” Only the first is a lower pitch and the second is a little higher.

There you go.  Sounds like something most cats wouldn’t do.  Record it!

With what?  I don’t have a camera.

You have a cell phone.

…..Look I don’t have time to record my cat squeaking and then load it onto some website on the off chance that people find it entertaining.

Fine.  Be that way.  Then do something else that will get you noticed. 

Such as?

Comment on a video, but do one of those chain things where you claim somebody has to like it or else the wrath of something will cause you to die/lose significant other/eat something horrible.

I hate those kind of comments.  I’m watching a video and all I see is 95 comments that look exactly the same.

Yeah but there are a lot of them for a reason.  Everyone comments on them.  You could be the guy who posts stupid comments on all those videos.  You can start a meme where you could be the ultimate annoying comment guy!  Then you will be known for something!

Yeah, for being the kind of guy I’d like to punch in the face.  And I don’t feel like assaulting myself.  Can’t you go annoy elsewhere?  You’re worse than the cat.

So you don’t want to do anything to make yourself famous. 

Nope.  I’m good with the whole not being known for anything but polishing off a sandwich right now.

Okay fine.  Go on being known for…not being known.  But don’t say I didn’t try to get…you…to see what you are missing from not trying to be internet famous.

I’ll keep that in mind.  So that means you are leaving now right?

Yeah, yeah.  I’m going. 

Great.  Bye.


…………That’s it?  No snappy final line to go out on?

I thought you were leaving.

C’mon, we both know you are recording this right now on that digital recorder to write down later.

What?  How did you know?  It’s like you are inside my head or something.







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