A Letter To My (Past) Self

Dear far younger self (also known as me, myself, and/or I),

I write this in the hope that you at least glance at this letter before flinging it as far away from you as possible, mumbling that random letters from so-called future selves are likely some weird voo-do/witchcraft/ouiji board stuff that you have no use for.  While I certainly understand your unease, don’t you think that maybe you should look in the chance the future self would put in the winning lottery numbers for let’s say a jackpot approaching 1.5 billion dollars thus insuring lifetime financial stability till the end of time? Although that would be cheating and you probably know your future self wouldn’t like to cheat.

Anyway, you should probably know a few things about the future. For starters, the 90’s, in which you live in now, will be viewed with reverence by the entire planet, bordering on near nirvana. While certainly understandable, as days seem to have been filled with playing outside with friends and the sheer amount of great 90’s tv shows and movies, you will no doubt be wearing a shirt and pants combination, the color of which will look remarkably like a mixed fruit stand. So while times will become a bit harder than what you are used to, you will at least have a better fashion sense then your choice to wear things that look like a rainbow sneezed over them.

You will see great changes in technology that will probably be absolutely amazing to you if you could see them now. For instance, there will be a schizophrenic tv /movie/music channel known as YouTube that you will spend hours upon hours watching random videos of funny cats. This will be a thing. Do not try to understand just enjoy an angry looking cat becoming as popular as The Beatles. There will also be a schizophrenic’s bathroom stall site known as Twitter that you will not get mainly because you prefer to talk in more than 140 characters.  You will avoid this site like the plague whenever possible. There will also be a schizophrenic’s site known as…well let’s face it the internet of the dancing baby  variety that you remember will have not changed much except for catering to an ever expanding group of people with  attention spans the size of gnats.  That you will wholeheartedly join.  Smartphones will be the name for telephones that are essentially mini computers that will be found everywhere. Including at your own home as it will become like an anaconda squeezing itself ever further into your hands begging you to enjoy it’s warm kinda bluish glow.  Also Apple will become as ubiquitous as…well…apples.

Perhaps more importantly is now the section devoted to what you, oh kid that you are, should try to do as you grow up.  First thing first is to try not to grow up as quickly as you really wanted to.  I don’t mean growing up as related to height because even at your young age you were already gearing up for your future mini skyscraper status.  What I mean is you enjoy being a kid for awhile.  As an adult now, your future self says it’s okay, and certainly the getting to try out craft beers and 2am bedtimes when you please is fine and all.  But your tendency to worry  and feel a little jaded about things around you is a bit of a bummer.  Being a kid is pretty awesome on the whole.  Also related to the worrying thing, try not to do that so much.  You would often worry about every little thing and you would eventually get to the being a bit bolder part but maybe work on doing that a bit sooner like asking that one girl to prom so you could have actually gone to it one year.  Also, sadly you will still have problems with being a bit of a klutz but your future one year of boy scouts will help you be prepared for things.  You may do this unconsciously by wearing black jeans on that day you trip and slide down a muddy hill near the Field Museum in Chicago on a rainy day.  Finally, you will one day decide to start an online diary that will be called a blog which is perfectly acceptable and even fun.  However, you will also try to be funny in it.  For that I apologize to you in advance.




P.S.  Can you seriously just go  and get rid of like half your wardrobe right now?  There are school pictures coming that your future self would like to not see in existence.

P.P.S.  The winning numbers are 8, 17, 24, 36, 45 and 10.  It’s going to be 1.5 billion dollars.  Forget the whole not cheating thing for a minute.


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