Life Cycle of a Blog Poster

As a regularsemi-regularoccasional, person most likely to forget he even has a blog for months at a time,it is always good to have and keep a regular schedule if you want to be effective as an online writer.  Especially if you want to be able to achieve the fame, recognition and cash flow that we all know comes from posting anything on the internet.  After all, if pets and kids so high on drugs from their dentist that aging hippies would nod their head in approval can become Internet famous, surely a man who references 90’s pop culture and snack foods as comedy gold is only minutes away from the high life.

Especially if that famous kid shares his dentist’s morphine.

But until then, or until that National Procrastinators’ Society finally gets back to me to offer that top position (they keep telling me they are still mulling over candidates), the schedule that I have found most helpful for myself must still be kept.  In an effort to be transparent, I thought I would give you the opportunity to peek behind the curtain and see the naked creative process of a soon to be famous blogger.

Why do you look so offended?

What?

Oh you didn’t think I meant literal….

(Awkward moment of silence)

Moving on now…

 

8:30:00am= Alarm to wake up rings

8:31:00am= Shut alarm off

8:31:01am= Resume sleep so rudely interrupted by smartphone which is clearly not so smart to realize this is not waking time.

9:15:00am= Wake up much more fresh 

9:15:01am-9:15:05am=  Look at phone

9:15:06am-9:15:08am= Realize you need to leave for work in 20 minutes

9:15:09am=  Panic

9:15:10am-9:35:08am= Breakfast of Champions  (aka chocolate cookie cereal)

9:35:09am= Panic again after realizing what the power of the chocolate chip cookie breakfast cereal has done to your schedule

9:35:10am-9:37:01am= Shower, shave, and brush teeth in a speed an Olympic sprinter would be envious of

9:37:02am-9:42:02am= Spend time bandaging your face and spitting in the sink upon realizing you have shaved with toothpaste and brushed your teeth with shaving cream.

9:42:03am-9:43:30am= Look at app on phone to find out when you work till today

9:43:31am-9:43:35am= Realize you don’t work today

9:43:36am-9:45:00am= Curse your misfortune at confusing the days of your schedule yet again

9:45:01am-10:00:00am= Apologize to neighbor over the phone after realizing you have inadvertently cursed your misfortune out an open window while they were gardening  

10:00:01am-10:00:10am= Resolve that with your unexpected time off you will finally update your blog

10:00:11am-6:00:00pm= Fall asleep

6:00:01pm=  Wake up

6:00:02pm-6:02:00am=  Curse misfortune at having fallen victim once more to post chocolate chip cookie cereal sugar crash

6:02:01pm-6:20:00pm=  Apologize yet again to neighbor

6:20:01pm-6:21:00pm-Finally close window

6:21:01pm-6:21:20pm= Resolve to never have chocolate chip cookie cereal again

6:21:21pm-6:45:00pm=  Enjoy two more helpings of the cereal

6:45:01pm-6:45:47pm= Regret tiny willpower

6:45:48pm= Decide to work on blog

6:45:49pm-10:30:00pm=  Funny cat videos…so so many videos

10:30:01pm= Regret tiny willpower, part 2

10:30:02pm-10:30:03pm= Open blog app

10:30:04pm-11:30:04pm= Come up with perfect 90’s related pop culture joke opening that all of five people will get 

11:30:05pm-11:31:05pm=  Finish writing the rest of the blog

11:31:06pm= Publish blog

11:31:07pm-12:02:00am= Obsessively click page view count to watch the no doubt millions of hits that will be coming in

12:02:01am-12:07:30am=Obsessively click page view count to watch the hundreds of hits likely to come in

12:07:31am-12:09:03am= Obsessively click page view count to watch any hit coming in

12:09:04am= Get your first hit on your page

12:09:05am= Realize it’s your own

12:09:06am-12:09:15am= Get depressed

12:09:16am-12:15:00am=  Chocolate cookie cereal to the rescue

12:15:01am-12:15:27am= Vow to work on that internship application you have been putting off

12:15:28am-8:29:59am= Fall asleep

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