All Your Jargon Are Belong In The Dump

     Today I survived an emergency of epic proportions.
     You see, I visited my local body shop and the mechanic informed me that I needed major repairs on my vehicle. Do you realize just how important the carther valve on your engine is?  Not to mention the horror of having a blocked prother belt that could cause my engine to burst out in flames! Thankfully he could take care of those problems for only 885 dollars, a small price to pay when it comes to my auto health and my safety!  Mechanic must have heard a good joke before he met me because he did seem to be laughing a lot…

     Okay I’m not that gullible, (plus it helps when your dad was a former mechanic), but people do have the tendency to use words to confuse and hide the truth.  Wars are conflicts, firing people is downsizing, and an all you can eat buffet is “We don’t carry steak here so no we can’t go out and get you unlimited quantities of it for you to eat sir, and please kindly remove yourself before I drop kick you into next Thursday.”

     Whether its on account of the fact we desire to look smart, or get a little extra money from an unassuming customer’s pocket, or we need to speak in codes so that the reptilian beings disguised as humans can’t understand us, we oftentimes just can’t bring ourselves to be honest and straightforward in our conversations. The fact that I can go online and within a second find several websites devoted to defining corporate speak and showing me just why twerking should not be seen as waving my butt around hokey-pokey style shows just how crazy we have gotten with coming up with complicated and ridiculous words to describe regular functions and things.  Also that the internet can bring me anything I want within seconds, unlike that buffet place.

     Let’s all just try a simpler bit of language for a change. You aren’t mincing an egg, you are chopping the damn thing to teeny tiny pieces. You aren’t checking your availability to come in today, you are figuring out the best way to explain how skipping work to play video games will help your grocery bagging skills in the future. Is it a bit wordier?  Sure.  Does it make you have to talk longer then .5 seconds to get a sentence or question out?  Of course.  Would it make discussions with people a heck of a lot clearer?  Absolutely.  Do you hate rhetorical questions asked of you in blog posts?  Skip you.

     Maybe one day we might yet be able to live in a world just a little bit more understandable and open. Until then, I have to leave you all to talk with the air conditioning guy. Guess I could really have a problem with my q units if I dont buy the more expensive 1600 dollar one. 


2 thoughts on “All Your Jargon Are Belong In The Dump”

  1. Working for a corporation, I have heard my share of “ideation,” “on brand,” and “innovation sessions.” Dude, it’s just a meeting about how to make sure we don’t look bad.

    1. I could believe it! I can grab you a dictionary from the “gondola” downstairs to help you understand everything if you’d like. Its a shelf people.

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