A (Mail) Of A Problem

I would really like to lick a particular problem at work.

And perhaps someone may post the solution. 

Yes dear readers, I am talking about mail.  Or more specifically the fact that licking envelopes feels like the equivalent of running my tongue along the back of a hairy gorilla who just spent time in a sauna.

You can just feel your tastebuds crying as your tongue attempts to navigate along the glue of the envelope flap, begging for anything but the taste of pure, unadulturated, diet, crap.

We have put men on the moon, we came up with modern electricity, we made popular shows about teenagers getting pregnant, yet we cannot invent a glue that tastes halfways decent for envelopes.

Admittedly not as many people today need to use envelopes to mail things. Admittedly this means I am dating myself again here. Admittedly this is probably not on the mind of most people.  Admittedly I admit to using the term admittedly too much here. Admittedly I admit to nothing.

However, considering there are enough people out there who still remember mail before the e surgically attached itself to it, a better tasting glue at least warrents a look at between commercial breaks of the gameshow ” Who Just Farted?”

I for one, to borrow from the filmmaker Oliver Stone, sense a conspiracy.

There must be, for there is simply no reason for human beings to invent flavored condoms and snack foods loaded with more chemicals then a 90s baseball team , and not flavored envelope glue.

So let’s find a solution soon people.

You will be enveloped in thanks if you do.


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