Hello and welcome to another exciting addition of me rambling about another mild inconvenience in life that no one else would really care about or even admit to caring about.
However, if I have to be known as the 20 something crank on these here interwebs, I would be happy to complain about it.
Anyway, today I have to admit something.
I am, well, afraid of the dark…….in stores.
Well okay, afraid is not the right word. It is more like I want to bring a lamp with me to certain clothing shops so that I might actually be able to know what the hell I am buying.
This is not true for all stores. Some are so brightly lit that I am sure if you took the roof off the building you could see the buy 2 get the 3rd free capri pant offer from space.
Which would explain why aliens have not yet come to visit us yet.
They are waiting for the 70 percent off clearance sale.
No, the stores I am referring to are the mall found specialty clothing stores that often advertise their clothes with catalogs of people dressed with….well….not many actual clothes on.
I understand that certain places feel the darker the room the more “atmosphere” and “mood” you can create. Which is all fine and dandy if it wasn’t for the fact I am buying things that will be worn “outside.”. With this thing called “the sun.”. That provides light that other people can use to “see” the fact that what I thought were “brown shorts,” were actually “black skinny jeans.”. Which are an invention of “the devil.” That are resulting in what we like to refer to as “pain in my nether regions.”. Because I am too “prideful” to admit I made a mistake and paid so much for the priviledge of ” never being able to have children.”
Am I really though the only one who has ever noticed how unbelievably pitch black these stores seem to be? At the door they should provide you with a flashlight, a map, and a box of crackers to mark your way back.
Their slogan should be “Come for the clothes. Stay till the ambulance comes ’cause you impaled yourself on that clothing rack again.”.
Look we all know you want your store to be “trendy” and all. Would it really affect things that much to buy a couple extra lights? Is the cool factor defeated by the arrival of electricity? Am I really turning into an old grump?
…..Don’t answer that last question.