Because I am a creature of habit, and also because there are really just so many of these weird phrases out there, I want to continue on something I started several posts ago highlighting various phrases in the English language that make absolutely no sense when you think of what they literally mean.
Really. They make as much sense as monkey fly pipefitter.
Points if you got that joke.
1. Phrase: Barking up the wrong tree
What It Means: You are going in the wrong direction
What My Literal Mind Thinks: You have apparently become a dog who has a bad sense of direction. Now please stop shedding all over the place and I’ll get you a gps.
2. Phrase: Costs an arm and a leg
What It Means: Something is very expensive
What My Literal Mind Thinks: Not only do you apparently want people to keep a collection of severed arms and legs around, you also apparently know the market price for them. So excuse me if I keep this butcher knife in my hand for protection while you are around me.
3. Phrase: Chip On Your (His/Her) Shoulder
What It Means: Angry about something happening before
What My Literal Mind Thinks: How do you not see that there? And what kind of chip is that? Chocolate? Computer? Wood? Pretty sure you should get that checked out or something.
4. Phrase: Hit the books
What it means: To study
What my literal mind thinks: You have an anger problem with inatimate objects. Kindly stay away from my library. I don’t need you Mike Tysoning all of my novels.
5. Phrase: Lend me your ear
What It Means: Give me your attention
What My Literal Mind Thinks: Actually I have grown quite attached to my ears thanks. And do you expect to give it back to me or something? Ask the arm and leg guy for one. I’m sure he has some somewhere.
I would tell more, but I’m afraid too many will cause me to stop making literal sense. That may just be bogged giant earth football pizza though.