Imho, I lol so much, I was rotfl…jk!

For many of you over the age of let’s say 30, you have probably been told in your attempt to type out full sentences in emails, chats, texts, etc, with commas, colons, and other proper grammar signs that you should make it easy on yourself.
Use acronyms they say.
We are tired of waiting for you to reply in chatrooms they say.
Go get me a beer they say.
Sorry, that’s what jerky alchoholics say.
These days, it is important for people to maximize their internet time.
They have videos to watch! People to friend request! That kid selling his soul online to bid on!
You know. Important things.
So you must learn imternet shorthand to survive the cruel high speed world of the internet. Have no fear, the rambler is here to guide you. I will take you inside the world of popular internet vocab, teaching you not only the popular meaning of select terms, but also the secret meaning behind them. Because I care about helping you dear readers.
…..Well that and the opportunity for more stupid jokes.
This should be obvious by now to those of you who read this.
1. Lol–laughing out loud
Being the internet, it has no sense of humor. Hence why it would make bad dating material. Thus, if you want people to think you are funny, or you want them to know that knock knock joke about the rooster was….just H I L A R I O U S….lol is the go-to term to use. Yet, there is more to this than meets the eye.
Or stomach. Or small intestines. Or ( insert specific body part here).
For you see, there is another reason why you need to tell people you are laughing out loud.
Laughter is poisonous.
Yes, you read that right. If laughter molecules build up too much, a person could pop like a popcorn kernal. Hence, the laughter needs to escape by being laughed out loud.
Thus, not only is lol an important internet shorthand, it could save your life.
2. Rotfl- rolling on the floor laughing
Sometimes, however, laughter molecules may become trapped and simply laughing out loud will not expel them. What to do then to soothe your internet buddy that you are taking care of the situation? This is when rotfl becomes handy. By rolling on the ground while laughing, you are helping to shake up and get rid of any remaining laughter molecules.
3. Brb- be right back
This shorthand has undergone a radical redefinition over time. Today, it has taken on the meaning that you will be right back. In it’s earliest use though, this term meant bring real bacon. Thus, when planning parties over the internet, people wanted to make sure the person they were talking to brought real bacon with them. Because nothing drags a party down worse than failing to have real bacon for people to munch on. Duh.
4. Jk- just kidding
People can be ultra sensitive sometimes on the internet, and because of their fragile internet egos, you need to assure people you are just kidding. Therefore, it is important when stating “You are a horrible person, who has no friends, no job, and really is horrible at Mario,” that you add jk to the end just to let them know you were kidding. No really! Just joking around! That person you kicked in third period was asking to fall down the stairs. And you can call your tv both a friend and an occupation. And that everyone can’t get past the first level of Super Mario.
5. Imho- in my humble opinion
If you have ever been on the internet, you know people have opinions. Lots of opinions. Also, apparently half the internet is either Nazis or Nazi sympathizers, according to a pole conducted by me on youtube comments. Thus, it is important that, when stating your opinion on something, you want to make sure you are expressing it in the humblest terms possible. Thus, imho becomes extremely important to emphasize in an internet conversation. No one wants to get non-humble opinions. They want to give them.
This is just a sampling of the most important internet/texting acronyms that you need to use. I would tell you more, but I have built up so much laughter molecules from writing this I need to go roll on the floor for awhile.

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