The Sandwich Blog

…Oh, hi!
Didn’t see you there.
I know you are probably thinking to yourself, “self, why is this called the sandwich blog?.”
Well, I have seen time and again people putting up statuses on their facebook page, where they talk about how they are going to eat a sandwich, or post a picture of said sandwich, or describe the deliciousness of the sandwich, or marry the sandwich.
This sort of thing is necessary to them I guess.
Don’t ask me why.
Maybe they need to prove they are not an alien or something.
“Look! I eat food that humans eat. Disregard the the tentacles you see popping out from underneath my sweatshirt.”
However, since I have seen so many other people do this, I feel it is only natural for me to take it one step farther.
Henceforth, while eating a sandwich, I will now blog….about eating the sandwich.
See, I have this nice ham on toasted white bread here, with lettuce and mustard.
Should be an excellent sandwich.
Shouldn’t blog with my mouth full.
Man, I tell you, this is one great sandwich.
Excellent, crisp lettuce too.
Matter of fact, if you listen closely, you can probably hear how crisp it is.
Here, let me put the blog up closer to your ear.
“Crunch, crunch, oh god, why are you eating me? Crunch, munch, it hurts so bad, please stop! Crunch, crunch, oh the inhumanity of it all!”
Huh. Guess they were right about the whole “plants are living creatures thing.”

Guess I will stop being a murderer and take the lettuce off now.
…I think it just told me thank you.
Go figure.
Anyway, I feel bad though.
You should be joining in with the sandwich goodness.
Matter of fact, I will pause the blog here so you can make your own sandwich.
I’ll wait.
Jeez, you making a sandwich or designing your battle plan for the zombie apocalypse?
Oh, good you are back.
Let’s take a bite at the same time.
Ready? One, two, three! Sandwiches unite!
….What the heck?
Thought we were going to have a moment in sandwich solidarity there.
Fine. I will just finish it on my own.
Mmm…even without the lettuce, this is still a tasty sandwich.
I was just going to….

This is slightly embarrasing…
Sorry. I will be right back.
*Hello? Oh, hey Jerry. No I am good. Uh, huh. Listen, can I call you back? I am kinda in the middle of a blog here. Yeah. No, it’s about a sandwich. Yeah. Okay, I will talk with you later. Alright. Sounds good. Bye.*
Sorry again, about that.
I don’t like to blog and talk at the same time.
Oh, last bite here.
…Oh, that hit the spot.
Well, that’s about it.
…No really, that’s it.
….You can leave now.
Why are you staring at me like that? It’s creepy.
It’s like you are reading my thoughts or something.


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