Today at work, I was sadly the victim of a robbery.
I was robbed of my pride.
Yep. I was fooled. By my girlfriend no less.
Afterwards it reminded me that…
You didn’t do a joke!
What are you talking about?
You always do a joke towards the beginning of your blog referencing something that occured in the 90’s. That’s your thing.
I’ve done like 4 blogs. I don’t have a thing.
….Just do it.
Fine. I was fooled worse than Grammy voters of Milli Vanilli.
Anyway, it’s fairly easy to fool me.
I admit it. I usually take people literally at their word.
I can’t help it though. I have a very literal mind.
It makes conversations difficult sometimes. I can’t help thinking about the literal translation of what people say.
Just take the following examples.
No seriously, take them. I don’t want them back.
1. saying: bare with me
actual meaning: just wait
what my literal mind thinks: You have an 800 pound grizzly friend named Yogi that follows you around. Which explains why I’m missing my picnic basket.
2. saying: Keep your eyes peeled.
actual meaning: watch out for something
what my literal mind thinks: You have an unhealthy obsession with the best practices for cannibalism. No wonder you keep following me around with that salt shaker.
3. saying: You drive me crazy
actual meaning: you are making me insane
what my literal mind thinks: I am not your personal chauffeur. Besides, what exactly is driving crazy? Me swerving all over the place? Babbling non-sense things out the window at other people? Enjoying Kenny G albums in my car?
4. saying: go out on a limb
actual meaning: take a chance on something
what my literal mind thinks: Do you have any idea how painful it is to try walking out on a body part? And how should I choose which limb to go out on? I’m thinking picking out of a hat.
5. saying: flipping the bird
actual meaning: Sticking your middle finger up at someone/something as a way to express your displeasure
what my literal mind thinks: You have an assortment of ticked off birds and a slingshot. Pretty sure that’s cruelty to animals. No wonder they’re so mad.
6. saying: running out of time
actual meaning: need to hurry up with something
what my literal mind thinks: I would renew your subscription soon then. Or ask the library for back issues. They should have them. I’m an Entertainment Weekly fan myself.
That’s just a small sampling. I’ll stop for now though. If I continued, you would probably think I had a screw loose.
Can you hand me the screwdriver over there? I’ll tighten it myself.